On Heartbreaks, Feelings And Getting Over Your Ex

“If you don’t realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow. When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused. Kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified like a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you deal with whatever life brings you, and when death comes, you are ready.” – Tao Te Ching

This piece is dedicated to someone close to me (you know who you are).

So you’ve just had your heart broken…

You’re hurting pretty bad.

You’re in a dark place and you’re wheezing, gasping for air, hoping and praying that anything – ANYTHING- can take away that pain.

I know it sucks man.

I can’t pretend to be above this, like I’m somehow out of reach from the deepest of heartbreaks (haha… If only).

How does one handle heartbreak? How does someone handle these feelings that seem to have taken you over completely? Here’s how…

Stand in your pain

 

“It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this? It was only a kiss… It was only a kiss…” – The Killers

Right, this should be almost unnecessary but alas, I have to address it.

Whether it be infatuation, or profound love it makes no difference – you felt whatever it was that you felt and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

Don’t try to logically talk yourself out of it, going “man, she’s just a girl! I barely know her, I’m being a pussy!” No man, you’re being a pussy for trying to run away from how you feel.

Only a coward does that.

Stand in it

So some girl made you feel amazing, and weather it lasted a minute or a year doesn’t make it any less real. Own it.

Feeling the rush of love is a beautiful thing.

An ex girlfriend of mine once told me “Falling in love is easy – being in love is difficult”. That hit home, man!

Sometimes all it takes is a sideways glance – and that woman will occupy your mind for months. That’s okay!

It becomes a problem when you try to escape from this, when you try to talk yourself out of it – essentially when you try to defeat mind with more mind.

How do you stand in your pain?

Let It All Out!

Shut off the distractions, stand up and pay attention to how you feel.

Stop depressing your emotions – “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” and then distracting yourself.

Start instead to express your emotions;

You wanna cry? Cry – but fully! Let it all out, ball your eyes out, empty your body of the trapped emotions. Wanna scream? Great! Roar like a lion, scream until your voice goes hoarse and your whole body is shaking with anger. Wanna laugh? laugh yourself silly – just let it all out.

And then sit quietly.

Don’t go off somewhere, don’t hide away and distract yourself. Don’t daydream and think of happier days or relive memories you had together. Just stay with how you feel and pay close attention. Stare it down and open!

Open – Even In Unbearable Pain

“Then it came – terror and fear pulsing through him. But each time the feeling arose, he refused to be deflected from what he was doing. If he was sitting, he continued to sit. If he was walking, he continued to walk. In that way, he says; ‘I faced that fear and dread, just as it found me, and I drove it out.’” – The Story Of The Buddha

The goal is to open yourself up so completely, even in tremendous pain, so that all that’s left is a sense of wonder, awe and profound reverence.

You see, if you honor your pain, and you don’t try to run away from it – you recognize it as part of the journey and allow it to remain as long as it wants… It will gradually leave all on it’s own.

Don’t close your body! Open it! Breathe deep, from your belly, open your chest and loosen your heart-space. Don’t close your eyes and daydream – open, stay with it, don’t retreat!

Pretty soon you’ll notice that space – you’ll notice that you don’t have to be a slave to how you feel. You’ll begin to honor whatever happens to you without seeking to run away from the pain and run towards the pleasure – you let everything come and go. You let that pain stay as long as it wants, and when it’s time to go, it goes easily and peacefully.

Your resistance to life is what is causing you pain.

This is the reality of your entire life – you are either running away from the pain or running towards the pleasure.

Stop!

Stop resisting. Show up fully. Not with one toe in the warm end of the pool and the rest of your body in the cold end. Not with 99% focus on what you want and 1% focus on what you don’t want.

Can’t you see? Every moment is the greatest moment of your entire life… Don’t be off somewhere, missing it.

Woo your woman, show up, spin her around, pull her into your embrace and tell her everything you want to do with her.

Dance your ass off, regardless of who is watching. Walk down the street skipping and singing at the top of your lungs – let judgers judge, they don’t know what they are missing, they don’t know your secret.

Open yourself fully to life – vulnerable but strong in your loving.

Take the pain or hurt, take the beatings, take the love, take the joys, and let go fully: cry like a fucking child over your puppy dying, your grandmother passing, or that girl who broke your heart.

Cry for the suffering of others in war-torn places, don’t close down and look away. Open up and take it all in and cry.

Scream – at the top of your lungs scream. Scream yourself hoarse until a different scream emerges; the roar of freedom.

Speak your truth fearlessly and stare life in the eyes, today, here now.

Don’t you understand? You don’t get tomorrow…

Your fan,

PatrickAnanda

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